Have been room hunting for the past 2 weeks
Makes me frustrated and miserable
Don’t like to change.. afraid of strangers..

All the time, has been staying with family
Study in Kl, stayed with roomate who is also my school mate
Then rent a house and stayed with friends
Then come SG stayed with my aunt
Then rent a room just 3 house away, with nice aunty and uncle
I’ve get close with the family and loved their grandchild, Seth..
But now.. I have to move on..

All the rooms that I have viewed, none of them that I really like
Don’t like strangers..
Some aunties look fierce
Some uncles look "hum sup"
Some tenants are China men (not that I prejudice, but many cases out there)
Some rooms too small.. suffocate..

Another thing worrying me is Jason will start night shift soon
I gonna be sleeping alone.. far away from my aunty, my realtives..
I dislike being alone.. fear of being alone.. monophobia
Fear of darkness.. nyctophobia
Most of all, fear of change.. cainotophobia
I just hate changing of my life so much..

I hate the feeling..
When I move from home to KL
When I move from KL to SG
When I change new job
When I move house again… sigh…

Maybe I just fear too much
Maybe I need to learn to accept
Learn to move on
Because now, I have putting a barrier, surrounding me
Away from newness, away of changes

I think it is just time for me to be independent
I can’t stick to my relatives and friends forever
Yes, it is time.. it is time..
For me to OWN A HOUSE..!

But don’t know when.. haha.. dreaming..
But if I  have my own house, I still want to stay with my family =)
Don’t worry, I will announce my open house ^__^

For days, I keep telling myself I am happy.
I made myself happy.
I don’t ask, I don’t demand.
I think that SIMPLE = HAPPY.

Well, for days, I did really feel happy… for no reason.
Ppl asked me why, I’m not sure.
I can’t answer it.
I just feel happiness surrounded me.

Then, I started to realise the happiness was not real.
I was the one hynotizing myself.
I made myself think that I am happy.
Then, some words came like shooting stars.. falling on me.
Made me woke up from my hypnotization.

I don’t want to hear the fact.
I don’t want to know the real thing.
I just want to be happy.
It is just not that easy.

I’m trying hard to hold back my tears.
I don’t want to recall the past.
I want to move on.
I don’t care..
I wish I don’t care.. every single word they said.

No matter what they said.
I told myself, it doesn’t matter.
Those who mind, don’t matter.
And those who matter, don’t mind.
That is what I told myself.

Cybie, move on and be brave to face all the challenges..!