My cousin sister passed away recently and it is a big shock for all of us. Everyone was in grief as she was still in a very young age.
Today, I read an article: Beyond Tragedy – by Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, that touched my heart.
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Death – What remains a mystery is how people cope. How do we go on?
The most straightforward answer is the same way that generation before have gone on. We acknowledge the pain and the loss. We develop rituals – religious services, music, funerals, and wakes – where friends gather, hug one another, cry together, and share stories and laughs. And we remember.
I don’t like the saying “Time heals all wounds”. It is not true. Years later, people can still be terribly sad and miss their mother, father, child, sibling and friend. Scars remain unhealed.
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There are no words to dispel your feelings at the time, and there is no time that will ever dispel them. Nor it is any easier the second time that it was the first. And yet I cannot share your grief, because no-one could share mine.
You never really accept it; you just go through the motions. Then one day, because there is a world to be lived in, you find yourself a part of it again, trying to accomplish something – something that he/she did not have time enough to do.
And perhaps, that is the reason for it all.
– Joseph Kennedy
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I hate funerals and prefer not to go. But this is what Kathleen Kennedy Townsend said that made me realize the importance of it.
“I find that funerals are a way to affirm a life, to acknowledge to myself and to the greater community that this person was important to me.”
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Giving Comfort
Lessons to console those who have suffered a loss.
- Go to the funeral.
Mingle with the families, listen to them talk, and lend your full support. - Call or write your friend when someone close to her or him has died.
It is remarkable how few people actually reach out in tough times. Perhaps you think they might want to be left alone. It is better to try and be rejected than to never try at all. - Never say “You will get over it”.
People rarely do. - Embrace the person who suffers.
The death of a loved one rips us apart, shakes us up, hurts terribly. Try to make it clear that your friend is wonderful. Act of love is the most healing. The outstretched arm, the warm embrace, the freshly baked cookies, or the fragrant flowers do not replace the life. Not by any means. But they do say to the grieving friend, “You are loved. You are cherished.”
Thanks Kathleen for this article that comforts me…
